Ramblings of Insanity

Or something to that effect.  I have no idea where I heard that quote or who said it, but it is quite important to me.  At its core it demonstrates a core principle of geniusness.  One will not attain true genius until one realizes how much one does not know.  I am incredibly smart when it comes to computers, and a few other narrow topics.  I know very little about things like literature, history, or politics.  Realizing that much is a step towards that goal, but its not quite there.  When I was younger, I learned Perl on my own at an alarming rate.  As I learned more, I realized there was even more that I didn't know!  It seemed for every thing I learned, another appeared that I knew about but didn't understand.

I have realized by now that some people (including the religious zealots in my school) are probably offended by my writing.  I'm sorry, but there is nothing you can really do about it.  I have my opinions and you have yours.  This is _MY_ blog, and I will write how I feel here.  You are welcome to close your browser the instant you become angered, no one is forcing you to read this website.  If I disagree with your views, its likely that I will argue my point with you.  It's equally likely that I will just delete your comment and ban you.  I know you won't like it, but I would expect no less if I came to your blog and voiced my opinions.

Yes, I change my opinion alot, and yes sometimes I say one thing, and do something completely different.  I am sometimes as big a hypocrit as anyone.  I have two responses to this:
1) The knowledge of how to perform is not the same thing as the ability to perform.
2) "It often takes more courage to change one's opinion than to keep it." -- Willy Brandt
If I truly see the opposing view, I will usually acknowledge it, and once in a while something comes along that makes me look like a complete fool.  I always know when I am beaten, even if I dont show it.  The difference between me and you is that I learn from my mistakes and try not to make them again.

This post was about a summer camp I went to in Brookings some years ago.  I'll explain more later.
Emily, LJ, Sara, Tim, guy-who-ran-into-doors-well, or Nicole - if any of you recognize this week of mischief (and the outside party running from cops) PLEASE POST!!  I want to hear stories from other people who were there.

ROI - 8 - Weeklong Deja Vu Sucks
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I had the weirdest feeling while at ACE camp this last week.  Starting about Monday, I had an intense feeling of deja vu.  It seemed like I had known everyone before I had been there.  There were parts of the trip that I felt fine experiencing.  But at the technical school while I was sitting on the table, I felt like that I had been in that exact same spot before.  The whole week felt like It had happened before.  Every thing I did, I subconsiously knew what was coming next, because of the deja vu.
As soon as I started talking to Emily I knew that I liked her.  We even spent some of monday night texting each other.  After that her and LJ started getting closer.  I couldnt help but be jealous.  I know I shouldnt, but its just ... GAH.  Let the shit go already.

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The ROI entry above was written many summers ago, I honestly don't remember when it was exactly.  The post below was written tonight.
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For those of you wondering if having deja vu for a week long is really possible, I can attest to the fact that it is.  I remember that week vividly, mainly because it started around Monday night (the first night there, and the first real gathering the group had).  I also spent months pouring over this single event for the next month, but sadly I do not have any of the original content because the device it was stored on was confiscated (FUCK YOU TALCOTT).  That first night the group took some telescopes out of town and went "skygazing".  We got bored of that after literally 5 minutes, and quickly formed cliques.  Its amazing what 30 people from random places do when just thrown together.  No one knew anyone else (except for a few doubles here and there from the same school) yet we somehow gravitated towards specific groups. I was in one group on this side of the hill, there was another group nearby, and then a secluded group on the other side of the hill (with the 2 naive "counselors" talking about stargazing to themselves in the middle of the hill).  I noticed this fact after about 15 minutes and pointed it out to the rest of my group who became immediately fascinated with the idea.  I, however, was overcome with a sudden feeling of deja vu.  I took a closer look around and realized that I could put a name to everyone on the hill; not their real name, but a name of someone from my school who fit the persons personality.  The deja vu never left.  It was with me the entire week.  Back to children in groups.  From past experience with high schoolers in awkward social situations, I would have sworn that everyone would have kept to themselves, but no, everyone was friends with everyone.  We were instantly a tight-knit group.  It defied all logic and reason.  You may have picked up from the original post that I had fallen for a particular person, but was shot down.  Its partially my fault: at the time I was still coming out of my social-recluse phase and I was still not very well versed in the ways of speaking to women (let alone trying to hook up with them if you like them).  Needless to say, I killed it about Wednesday when I admitted to Emily that I had a girlfriend.  Lets just say that a social-recluse who has ADHD, an ability to shut up (finally), and a slight case of OCD  really really does not take to rejection well.

Ramblings of Insanity was a journal/diary/wtf you want to call it that I started writing my freshman year of high school.  Its very random, probably hard to follow if you aren't me, and at times very personal.  The official version I store on a 1GB flash drive encrypted using true crypt with a 768-bit AES-Twofish-Serpent encoded by a 20 alphanumeric and totally random password.  For those of you not well versed in cryptology, not even the most powerful supercomputer or cluster in the world would be able to break it in 100 years.  Yeah, technology is an OCD person's best friend.  Anyways, ROI isn't just a specific journal its also like a tag I put on anything that I write that isn't directed at a specific person or homework.  This is the official public version of ROI - ie, anything that I'd allow the public to see.  I've started to loosen up about my inner feelings (with help from my psychologist) and I'm going to post a few bits and pieces here.

PS. All names (except my own, and those who I specifically target for abuse) are obfusicated, but will be consistent throughout.

I'm going to be brutally honest here.  I hate computer hardware.  I never have been, nor will I ever be, a hardware person (except integrated - I'm talking about Desktops, Laptops, etc ).  I have always been a software guy (mainly because software is either mostly free or can be made mostly free with the North American Pirate License).
Anyways, yesterday I was moving some Linux .ISOs from my laptop where I torrented them to my server where I have much more hard drive space.  Like a good little hacker, I make sure to check the md5/sha1 sums after the transfer, just to make sure they were good.  I ran sha1sum on the files three times; AND GOT THREE DIFFERENT ANSWERS!!! BLAH! ( For the uninitiated, that either means something is accessing the file (which nothing was) or there was some bad hardware somewhere (usually somewhere between the harddrive, the motherboard, the ram, and the CPU (don't ya love parens?)))  I reboot and run the Ultimate Boot CD[1] to do a memory test overnight.  The next morning results?  FAIL!  600 errors ON BOTH STICKS.  It is at this point I realize that the $180 I spent on BestBuy RAM has gone to waste since they don't do refunds after 15 days.  DAMN.  So now my server is running on a crippled 512 MB - a mere quarter what it was.  Now I just have to find a way to get the sticks fixed/returned or find a job to get money to buy new ones.

[1] http://www.ultimatebootcd.com/

Well, I've been hearing about this new thing called "weblogs".  I hear they are pretty nifty - so I decided to try it out.
Okay okay, so I've known for a long time what a blog is - I've just not cared enough to get one.  Times have changed and I now feel like voicing my opinion out loud online for all to see (even if few people actually read this).

Anyways, I am quite far from a good linguist or writer, so my writing will probably read like a middle-schooler, but at least I TRY!!!

Anyways, off to play with my new software:  VectorWorks.  I've been waiting for it for 2 months and it's finally here!